I have a dream


I have started running with out music.  It wasn’t easy to make that transition for me.  In fact it was torturous at one point.  But, now I have come to enjoy the sound of my own breathing , hearing my feet striking the ground and the gravel shifting under me.  I found before that running with music I was listening to music while I ran.  Now that I run in silence it is truly therapeutic.  My mind is allowed to wander.  Sometimes I start thinking right away and before you know it I have completed my course and I have no memory of where I ran or what I even thought of.  All I know is I am sweaty, hot and tired.  And I feel great!  Other times I run and I can hear my own voice and it says thing like “oh look a bird, just make it up this hill, don’t forget to pump your arms, stand up straight, pick up your feet, halfway done, catch that runner in the distance, uh oh here come s a pretty girl don’t let her see you struggling, look there is the finish line, good job, be proud of yourself, puke in the grass not on your new shoes!”

Running gives me a chance to think and dream.  Some of my runs are cathartic and they are emotionally draining.  I have even had to stop in the middle of runs and take a break because emotionally it was just to much for me.  The first time I broke down on a run I was in the desert and I was running on a treadmill.  I was running in front of a mirror just watching my legs going back and fourth and listening to my music.  I can still hear the song in my head clear as day and I started thinking about Jordan.  I started to think about her watching me run towards her and the smile on her face.  It was over whelming.  not in a bad way but it made me sad to be so far from her.   I actually started crying on the treadmill in the gym.  I wiped the tears away and just kept running.  No one there even noticed.  Everyone else was just running listening to music. I suppose we were all like hamsters on the wheel wishing we were somewhere else.

Running gives me the time and freedom to dream about who I want to be, what I wish for Jordan and how I would like the entire world to work.

Actually,  I have lots of dreams.  And I am not talking man I woke up and had a crazy dream.  I mean I have a dream of how I want to live or how I want the world to be.  I would love to have the world be a “better’ place for all of us.  But, my dream is to be part of the catalyst that truly makes the world a better place.  For instance the lottery (power ball to be exact) was about 340 million last week.  I went in to buy a ticket so I could have a shot at making some of my dreams happen.  The girl behind the counter said “340 million dollars thats almost too much money.  What would you do with it all?” and I said something like “I don’t know but I sure could open a lot of homeless shelters.”  She seemed so shocked that I would say something like that.  Obviously, she doesn’t know me very well. Of course I would also help all my family and friends financially and have a big party.  I am sure I would travel but all in all I would want to make a difference.

Some of my other dreams aren’t as grand but to me they are just as significant.  I would take Jordan to tour Greece and to France to run the Paris marathon with her.  Even though I am not much of a drinker  I would try a bottle of Dom Perignon just to see what the big deal is.  I would organize some sort of charity bike ride where I got to ride with Lance Armstrong.  Maybe, I would get my name on the top of the list with Virgin Atlantic to go into space!  

I am very liberal, a bit of a tree hugger and also an idealist.  But sadly, I am a realist and I know with out being independently wealthy I can only make little changes to the world.  For example I can pick up pieces of trash on the side of the road that I see while running.  I will continue to Coach the Cross Country team (at least for this Season) the best I can.  You never know maybe I will have an impact on a child or maybe just set the right example for Jordan along the way.  I suppose I will just have to be satisfied with the little things. 

My list could go on and on.  Some of my dreams I am just not ready to share.  I guess I am just not strong enough to bare my soul like that….Maybe one day.

Anyway, instead of sitting here wishing about my dreams I am going to try and make one of my dreams  come true. 


About josh29152

I am a divorced Dad who found myself running and raising my daughter. I served in the USAF for 12 years and I was medically retired after being diagnosed with Crohn's disease. Living all over the world has provided me with some fabulous experiences. Since my divorce I have settled in Florida. I love the warm weather but I am not much for the culture. I am coming to grips with past, while looking for direction for my future.
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