Friday night I went to bed with the weight of the world on my shoulders. Saturday I woke up prepared to run it off. It was warm and muggy. My goal today was 8 miles. I ate a banana grabbed some energy beans and my head phones just incase and I stepped out the door. At the last minute I decided to change my route. As I reached the 1.25 mile mark it was get dark and scary to the South. So, in my wisdom I went North determined I would out run the storm.
That plan however was flawed and did not work out. At mile 1.5 the heavens opened up and the driving rain began (i’m talking cats sleeping with dogs. It was anarchy) and did not quit. The roads were flooding but I pressed on. Instead of hearing my feet against the gravel I heard the puddles splash with every step. And I loved it! I also loved the looks people gave me as they drove passed me. It gives me some sort of satisfaction when people look at me and question my sanity. I love the “suck”.
This rain Saturday morning was different than other rains. This rain was cleansing me. It was a baptism, I was being purified. I felt as though I was trying to wash away my sins and pay my debts. I was reborn. My inner strength renewed and allowed me to drive on.
The only other people I saw were fellow runners. Even the roads had barely any traffic. by mile 5 I was right on track and reaching a gradual downhill slope. I try to never walk down hill. I feel like gravity is helping me and I stride out and enjoy the speed. But today was different I had a plan to follow. I needed to eat some of my magic energy beans (watermelon flavored) so I can get used to eating on my runs get longer. I was prepared to pull out my head phones to help motivate me on the way back. but I decided I didn’t need them. My run was too easy. By the time I finished my beans I knew I was over half way and I felt strong. At 6.5 miles the rain finally stopped in an instant like someone shut of the valve. It was odd and the sun began to shine. The skies were clearing just like my mind was.
I was soaked and so was my shirt. I couldn’t handle the weight and my nipples couldn’t handle the chaffing. So I took my shirt of and continued my run back to the start to complete my 8 miles. All in all I went 8.2 miles at a pretty leisurely pace. But, I enjoyed the run. I know I’ll never break any speed records but I do enjoy the distance. I am not in it for the quick win.
My life hasn’t always been peaceful and the one thing about running for me is the peace it provides me. When I run the world around me is different. I don’t worry about politics, wars, money, work, bills, the cost of gas any of that stuff. Well at least I don’t worry about it after the first mile. Heck, who I am I kidding. I don’t remember anything I think of when I run. I do know that I battle my inner demons when I am out there.
One day I will conquer my demons. I’ll remember the things I have forgotten and move ahead. I’ll be forgiven and I’ll forgive myself.