I am not a walrus

Do you remember this scene in the breakfast club?  This is where Brian was about to write his essay stating who is or who he thinks he is.  And he says some thing like this: Who am I? I am a walrus!”  Bender was staring at him the whole time.  I thought it was hilarious.


For some reason I have been wondering just who I am.  First and foremast I guess I need to think about my life.  What do people see when they look at me? I am a Father I know that for sure. What else defines me?  I am a runner, cyclist, swimmer, and coach.  Maybe people see me as an Athlete.  I don’t think I am an artist or very creative for that matter.  Although, I do come up with a lot of crazy ideas.


People who knew I was in the military used to define me as a soldier. Of course I would refer to myself as an Airman but most people use he word soldier pretty loosely so that’s okay. I think that is how my Grandfather saw me.  I wish I knew him better.  From what I knew of him I really liked him and I remember him often always smiling.  One time we went on a walk and we kept asking how far and he would say 10 minutes. It must have gone on for an hour.  Funny the things that stick with us.


I used to be viewed as a meteorologist (After all I forecasted the weather for 13 years).  Now, I am in the process of making major changes.  it took a long time to do this but I am trying.  I applied to school to become a Paramedic. I think I would have a good fit with that.  I will get some excitement but most importantly I will be doing some good.  I am hopeful that I will be on the saving life side as opposed to the taking life and blowing things up side of work.  When I was in the midst of hating my old job I would tell myself my job does not define me.


I have Crohn’s disease a lousy incurable disease.  But, I refuse to let it define me or stop me.  Of course there are days when I am in bad shape but I don’t talk about it all the time. I don’t want people to look at me and think I am a victim.  I am strong and although I suffer some from my disease I know I will have good days and bad days and I refuse to waste the gift that is my life.


So that leaves me again with some unanswered questions.  Should I question my political affiliation? Or the philosophy I choose to follow?  Does that make me a tree hugging liberal Buddhist with a running/cycling problem who poops a lot?


After all I have 4 bicycles in my apartment about 6 pair of sneakers and an almost never ending supply of Eastern philosophy books and super soft toilet paper with aloe in it.  Hey, when you poop as much as me you learn what toilet paper is the best.  Trust me when I tell you this…Money is no object when it comes to good toilet paper.


I am running another half marathon in 17 days. So I guess it gives me about 2hrs and 16 minutes (hopefully) to figure it out.  But, if my Crohn’s acts up trust me I will have my aloe soaked super soft paper and 13.1 miles of woods to run into in case of emergency and it will just give me a couple extra minutes to think things through.

I wonder what I’ll come up with when I’m out on the road.  I have this grand plan that Ill learn something about myself but maybe I’ll struggle and just wish it was over.  Or maybe I’ll be in the zone and count people in my head as I pass them.  I wonder if I will have to walk or be able to run the whole thing?  One thing I know for sure is every long run I go on I always end up being glad I did it.  Heck it gives me an excuse to go eat steak and eggs!


Let me leave you with a quote from that great movie and then a question. ” Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did *was* wrong. But we think you’re crazy to make an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us… In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain… and an athlete…and a basket case…and a princess…and a criminal. Does that answer your question?”

Who do you think you are?


About josh29152

I am a divorced Dad who found myself running and raising my daughter. I served in the USAF for 12 years and I was medically retired after being diagnosed with Crohn's disease. Living all over the world has provided me with some fabulous experiences. Since my divorce I have settled in Florida. I love the warm weather but I am not much for the culture. I am coming to grips with past, while looking for direction for my future.
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2 Responses to I am not a walrus

  1. Tammi says:

    Wow, I got goosebumps reading this. I don’t know, it could be that you really make me think or that you brought back memories of a movie that I could relate to, or BOTH. Enjoy your blog, keep up with the good work.

  2. cathyo says:

    Some days I think I know the answer….other days I have no idea! Great post.

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